I haven’t written here in a minute, but this seems like as good a topic as any to start back. My dear readers, let me pass on some gentle reminders to you fine people who like to eat out. Let’s call them Pro Tips, if you will…

1. Find out a restaurant’s hours of operation. This will alleviate any silly questions like, “Are y’all still open?” or “Do y’all still deliver?” or “What time do y’all close?”

2. When you find out the hours of operation, plan accordingly. Don’t wait until 5 minutes before a restaurant closes before you saunter your ass in their establishment and want to eat. These people have lives, too. Same for deliveries.

3. If you don’t have the decency to follow those rules, then at least tip them well. You decide to wait until a place is about to close before you realize, “Oh, shit! I’m kinda hungry. Let me go place an order; they won’t mind.”

4. Familiarize yourself with the menu beforehand. If you don’t see anything that resembles the phrase “gluten free,” then don’t ask. Chances are great that this establishment doesn’t cater to your diet, so seek food elsewhere.

5. If you order online, check your order before hitting “Place Order.” I will not be responsible for your husband/wife/child/grandchild/side piece/pet ordering the wrong thing, and I will probably laugh at you.

6. Don’t pay for something miniscule with a large bill. I don’t want to use up all my change because you want to use $100 to pay for an $8 meal.

7. Please treat your waitstaff with respect. Their job may not be comparable to thermonuclear dynamics, but yours probably isn’t, either. Don’t be evil.

8. A lot of us in the restaurant industry strive to make your experience enjoyable. Your assistance in this matter will go a long way in making that a reality.

Enjoy your meal.

Chew on This
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