10th Apr2013

Little Things

by Mr. Joseph

At this point in my life, I think it’s safe to say I’m a grumpy individual; I’m overworked, underappreciated, and a nice piece of road for the metaphorical bus to hit. But, there are some points in life that just make me really very happy.

As I’ve mentioned before (albeit not recently), I am the father of a two year old girl. She’s putting us through the ringer with her tantrums, but it mellows out after a while. Well, last night while my wife was changing my daughter’s diaper for bed, she started singing. When our daughter was younger, my wife used to make up a lullaby to the tune of the go to sleep song. I don’t know the name of that song; don’t judge me! Anyway, my daughter decided she wanted to sing that song while she was getting changed. When it dawned on me what she was singing, that light bulb of recognition was beaming bright, as was the joy in my heart.

Just that one moment was enough for me to forget how much time I’ve spent on the road for work thus far, and how much more time I have ahead of me. But, as long as I keep moments like that at the forefront, then I think I’ll be okay.

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03rd Feb2013

Super Why?

by Mr. Joseph

Super Bowl XLVII - image courtesy ibtimes.comIn a few hours, the culmination of the 2012-13 NFL season will commence with Super Bowl XLVII. The game features the AFC Champion Baltimore Ravens squaring off against the NFC Champion San Francisco 49ers. The game promises to be an exciting one, with Niners QB sensation Colin Kapernick running the Pistol formation against Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Haloti Ngata and the vaunted Ravens defense. Or, if you prefer, the running attack of Ray Rice against Patrick Willis and the tenacious 49ers defense. I could go into plenty of platitudes about each team in general and the season as as whole, but that’s not the purpose of this post. The purpose comes from an opinion piece I saw on CBS News Sunday Morning earlier today from contributor Conor Knighton.

In the opinion piece (which you can find in prose here), he laments going to a Super Bowl party and having to pretend he knows what he’s talking about. He waxes poetic about how much time watching an entire season of Ravens games would take, not to mention how time consuming watching football itself is. It’s a bit mind-boggling, but not for the reasons you may think.

I find it mind-boggling because…well…why do something you have no interest in? If you don’t watch football, don’t go to a Super Bowl party because you think you’re obligated to do so. That’s like me watching the newest Lifetime movie because Erica Durance is in it. I’m sorry; I don’t care how fine I think Erica Durance is, I ain’t watchin’ her in a Lifetime movie. Allison Mack? Maybe. Erica Durance? No.

Erica Durance - NOT Lifetime movie hot

 

Look, the bottom line is this: don’t complain about “having” to go to a Super Bowl party, because you don’t HAVE to do anything but live until you die from it. Just don’t take that enjoyment away from those of us who do like football. The side-eyes you would receive from that would be enough to obliterate both the Louisiana Superdome and whatever structure was built to replace it.

Now, as far as my rooting interest goes…as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a Washington Redskins fan. Have been for 25 years, and don’t plan on dropping that support anytime soon. That being said, Washington’s season ended when Rookie of the Year Robert Griffin III tore both his ACL and LCL on the crappy turf at FedEx Field (thanks, Dan Snyder…bloody moron). So, since Washington’s long gone, I’ve decided to throw my support behind the San Francisco 49ers.

Why?

Well, part of it is because I like Jim Harbaugh. Sure, he’s borderline psychotic, but he’s an emotional coach, and he loves his players. Another part of it is that the Ray Lewis lovefest is about to make me throw up. But, it’s mostly because of my best friend of 17 years. He’s a die hard 49ers fan, and I think it’d be cool to see him get the chance to celebrate a Super Bowl victory again. Although, it’d be cool to see Ray Lewis win a title so he can kneel at the 50 yard line and ascend directly into heaven.

Category : Current Events, Personal, Sports
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18th Dec2012

Fantasy Follies

by Mr. Joseph

I’ve had a really good run of bad luck with fantasy football.

As I do every season for the past ten years (more or less), I play fantasy football. I do this every year, knowing that I’m going to be inherently terrible and possibly finish near or at the bottom. I don’t do it to win anything, although it would be nice. This year I had teams in three leagues, and – as of today – my seasons have gone as follows:

AKAVSBFM Fantasy Football

The Starfleet Academy Cadets came into this season wistful and hoping to knock some heads. The regular season ended with the Cadets taking a 7-6 record into the playoffs. After an upset win over opening round opponent Alabama Ass Whuppin’, the Cadets fell to Mike’s Maritime Men 66-39. I would’ve lost that game anyway, regardless of leaving Danny Amendola on the bench. Why did I leave him on the bench? Because he missed about three straight games this season, and I figured he’d miss yet another one. Oops. At least I have the third place game to look forward to next week.

Bad Boyz 4 Life

The Gryffindor Lions were an amazing disaster. The Lions went 0-10 to start the season, and ended with a 2-11 record, thanks in no small part to Matthew Stafford’s ineptitude to get the ball to Calvin Johnson. The playoffs were even worse, where I couldn’t even win the 11th Place Game. Just abysmal all around. Maybe next year I’ll…yeah, right. At least my loss ensures the league will exist for at least one more season due to a bet I made with my best friend to see who’d have the worst season. Maybe I can go double or nothing next year; whaddya say?

BlazerTalk II

This was a new one for me. The Legion came in as newcomers to the league, and wound up finishing in second place with a 9-4-1 record, despite the lackluster efforts of Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson (again; damn Madden Curse!). Then, the playoffs came, and The Legion was one and done for the championship crown. I have a semifinal game in the consolation bracket, so I’m fighting for that one.

So, outside of the disaster that was Bad Boyz 4 Life, I did okay this season, with two games left to go, and the possibility for one more.

We’ll see how that works out for me.

Category : Entertainment, Personal, Sports
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31st Jul2012

The Maestro

by Mr. Joseph

Every now and then, inspiration strikes me. This bout of inspiration hit me during my driving time for my Summer Feeding route (don’t ask). When I got to a decent stopping point, I pulled up the YouTube on my phone (a rooted Sony Ericsson Xperia PLAY – yes, it’s as crappy as you imagine, but it’s through C Spire Wireless; I’m getting what I’m paying for) and did a quick search for John Williams music. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a big John Williams fan; I think he’s the most iconic composer in recent history. Anyway, I decided on this to guide me to my next destination:

 

 

It was listening to this that led me to a fairly believable conclusion; a conclusion that I plastered over Twitter and Facebook:

 

 

Bear in mind that this is also a conclusion that was mentioned on Cracked.com, but I have no problems in giving credit where credit is due. That, and I love Cracked.com, because they’re awesome.

Anyway, this is what I want you to do…think about a hungry shark. What’s the music you think of? Wait, don’t tell me…it was this:

 

 

It’s okay, I understand. I never saw the movie – because I’m scared shitless of horror movies – and it was still the first thing I thought of. Okay, here’s another one: what about space travel? Say, something along the lines of a space opera? Would it be this?

 

 

All right, that was a tough one. But, to be fair, you could’ve thought of Star Trek or Battlestar Galactica or Babylon 5…okay, maybe not Babylon 5. Anyway, so I got you on that one. But, here’s one: what about an intrepid archaeologist out searching for treasures galore in exotic locales? Did you hear this?

 

 

I bet you did! Here’s another one: think about a man who can fly…

 

 

Yeah, that one was too easy. All right, one more, and this one is even easier! Think…WIZARDS!

 

 

I remember riding to and from work while taking my daughter to daycare, and we would listen to the soundtrack for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. She’d be all fussy and stuff, but she calmed down right quick when she heard Hedwig’s Theme. This fact makes me happy, because we’re sharing in this together, and I hope it’s something that lasts for a lifetime.

Point is, I could go on and on about this ad nauseam, but I think I’ve made my point. The point is, John Williams is an indomitable force, a composer who is responsible for creating memories that have lasted a lifetime, and memories that we can pass on to our children as they begin to develop a love for the art of music.

In my opinion, this is one of the greatest gifts we could ever give to them.

Category : Entertainment, Personal
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05th Jun2012

No Comment

by Mr. Joseph

I haven’t written on here in a while, limiting myself to movies, but that’s by design. I’ve had a busy few weeks, and it only looks to get busier in the coming days. I also haven’t written about politics in a while, but that is an unfortunate byproduct of what I do for a living. Allow me to explain.

In case you either forgot or were unaware, I do IT work for a nonprofit agency down here. That means my salary is paid for by the government. One of the things they told me when I got hired was that they don’t necessarily like employees talking about politics or having political propaganda on our person during working hours. This includes wearing the “I voted” stickers you get when you leave the polls. In fact, they pretty much said don’t do it.

I decided to extend that to my personal life as well. Why? It makes my life easier. I have enough stress in my life as it is; the last thing I need is to add the political wars to that list. Billion dollar Super PACS and mudslinging between candidates can be aggravating, because they appear to be aiming for the lowest common denominator; this includes the name calling and blatant disrespect that’s shown to a sitting U.S. President. That part really disturbs me, and I find it disgusting.

But, that’s another life.

I didn’t discuss politics when I was in the Navy – both Active Duty and Reserves, and I won’t be discussing it anymore now. Hence the reason I’ve stuck with movies and other silly things; I just refuse to live my life in a bubble of annoyance. I have enough of that with my sports teams and my darling, beautiful daughter who thinks 1:00am is the perfect time to play.

Maybe I’ll start it back up if/when I get another job, but that’s another thought for another day.

Category : Current Events, Personal, Politics
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12th Mar2012

Happy Birthday!!!

by Mr. Joseph

So, my daughter turned 1 on Wednesday.  It was kind of a big deal.  We didn’t really do a whole lot of fanfare for it on the exact day; partly because she was so young that she didn’t really understand it, but mostly because we knew we were having a party for her on that Saturday.

This party has been in the works for months now.  I think my wife started the preliminary plans in January.  She worked out a theme (butterflies)…

…cakes (a Princess Tiana pull-apart cake and a smash cake for her – both  courtesy of Publix)… 

…and all sorts of decorations.

What did I contribute to this smorgasbord?  Nothing; I got the hell out of the way and only interjected my opinion when it was told to me.

Yes, I’m serious.

Stop laughing; that ain’t funny.

Anyway, when Saturday rolled around, it was a busy day for everyone.  Cakes had to be picked up, pizzas had to be ordered, and rooms had to be cleaned.  Okay, I lied about my contribution: I wanted it held at our apartment.  Therein lies the beginning and end of my contributions that didn’t involve manual labor.  Once everything was set up, we then had to wait.  My family was driving down from Birmingham, and her family and friends were driving over from Mobile.

We told everyone the party would start at 3:00, and it promptly started at 3:30 (that joke will write itself, thank you very much).  When faced with the cavalcade of people in our apartment, my daughter did the one thing she knew well: scream bloody murder.  Everyone oohed and aahed at her as my wife and I tried to calm her down and make sure that everyone had enough food and drink.

Sidebar: We ordered the pizzas from Domino’s, and we got what was supposed to be a pretty good deal: seven pizzas for about $6.50, with the seventh pizza free.  I ordered two pepperoni, two sausage, two Meatzzas, and one cheese.  What I ended up getting was two pepperoni, three cheese, and one Meatzza.  One of those cheese pizzas got converted to a sausage pizza after it was made – sorta like how the craptacular Clash of the Titans got upconverted to an even crappier 3D to make it one of the biggest crapfest blockbuster of the year – but, unlike that movie, this worked out fine.

At the end of the day, everyone ate, drank, and was merry.  My daughter finally warmed up to the kids (the adults were another story altogether), and she enjoyed her cake.  Well…she enjoyed the icing on the cake.  It ended up being a fun birthday party, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

"I'm #1, daddy!"

Now…it’s time to plan for next year.

NOTE: There are more pictures, of course; I just don’t have a multitude of them with me at the present.  I’ll rectify that later.

Category : Personal
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12th Jan2012

Always Very Emotional

by Mr. Joseph

This blog post is going to come across as rambling, and that’s fine.  That IS part of the name of the blog, of course.

While watching Doctor Who today (brilliant show; I plan on writing a blog post about it soon; how soon, I haven’t decided yet.  It WILL happen, though), I started thinking about Friday Night Lights.  I know that’s a bit confusing, but stick with me…this is going somewhere.

I watched the Series Five episode entitled “Vincent and the Doctor,” and it was about the Eleventh Doctor (Matt Smith) and his companion Amy Pond (Karen Gillan) traveling to meet Vincent Van Gogh (Tony Curran).

The story of the episode is immaterial, but I mention it to mention a Facebook conversation I had with my friend Nina Perez (brilliant author; both The Twin Prophecies and Blog it Out, Bitch! are available at Amazon).  She asked where I was in Doctor Who, and I told her I had planned to watch three episodes, the latter of which was Vincent and the Doctor.  She mentioned that she cried at that episode, and that got my curiosity piqued.  I went to watch it, and whereas I didn’t cry, it made me think about the last time a form of entertainment made me cry.

That was an episode of Friday Night Lights.

It was the episode where Matt Saracen’s dad died, and he had to speak at his funeral.  The episode was gutwrenching to watch, and I couldn’t help but to cry at the end.  It was rough to see Saracen go through all of the stages of grief in such a compressed amount of time.  That, and the ending scene got me, too.  But, even still…this isn’t about that episode.  It’s honestly not about any episode in particular.  It’s more about the series as a whole.

But, in order to explain it properly, I have to explain “Always,” the series finale.  At the end of the episode, the East Dillon Lions are in the Texas State Championship Game, and they have one more drive left to finish it off.  Led by versatile quarterback Vincent Howard (Michael B. Jordan), the Lions make one last grasp for the end zone.  Howard drops back to pass, throws a bomb downfield, and…the scene goes black  Now, at this point, most fans are wondering what happened?  Did the Lions win?  Did they lose?  What?  Well, the answer is mentioned (they did win), but it’s done in such a subtle way that you’ll miss it if you blink.

This ending originally confused me, but after a while, I began to get it.  The beauty of Friday Night Lights was never the football.  Sure, it was a part of the series, but it never was the series itself.  It was always the people.  At its core, Friday Night Lights was about life, and how it goes on, no matter what.  If you watch it, you see that they revisit characters from the very first episode on to the last, and everyone gets some form of closure.  Well…not quite everyone, but that’s neither here nor there.  What you see is, no matter what happens in one facet of the universe, life goes on.  That was a brilliant way to make the show more organic, and that was a brilliant way to wrap up five seasons of great television.

So, I wrap up this post by saying this: no matter what happens in one facet of your life, don’t give up hope.  Life does go on.

Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.

Category : Entertainment, Personal
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31st Dec2011

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

by Mr. Joseph

I know I haven’t updated a lot, but I’ve been busy.  Real Life has a tendency to come in and kick you square in the nads.  Anyway, I don’t know about y’all, but I had a very good 2011.  Why?  My wife and I were blessed to have our baby girl in our lives.  That being said, there are a few other things that happened in 2011 that gathered my attention.

Unexpected movie hits: Limitless and Source Code both came out of nowhere to grab my attention, one more than the other.  Limitless was brilliant, but Source Code became the little engine that could, showing that Jake Gyllenhaal could indeed pull off an action role – well, showing it better than that farce Prince of Persia movie ever did.

Farewell, Harry Potter: I joined the Harry Potter party late, but I enjoyed the ride.  From 4 Privet Drive to 12 Grimmauld Place to the Shrieking Shack to Hogwarts, it was a magical ride that I was thrilled to be a part of.  Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, and J.K. Rowling, thanks for the memories.

Politicians being politicians: I’ve always said that Republicans are a bunch of assholes, and Democrats are a bunch of pussies.  I stand by that, especially with the complete lack of concern both sides showed in their various threats to shut the government down just to get their way.  They both get flipped off, double barrel style for that.

On the road again: I’ve seen lots of different parts of this great state thanks to my job.  Some of them are great, but some others are depressing.  I’ve seen areas of this state that appear to have been lost in time.  They’re trying to do the best they can, but they’re being neglected by the powers that be.  This has to change, but who knows if/when it’ll happen.

The Doctor is in: I’m late to the party, but I fell in love with the Time Lord from Gallifrey this year.  Christopher Eccleston was my first Doctor, but David Tennant will always be MY Doctor.  Regardless of who plays the role (Eccleston, Tennant, and now Matt Smith), and regardless of who his companion may be (Rose Tyler, Mickey Smith, Captain Jack Harkness, Martha Jones, Donna Noble, Amy Pond, Rory Williams), I will always be there for the ride.  And, it’s gonna be fantastic!

Finally, find your family and friends: tell them you love them.  Tell them that you’ll cherish them forever.  You never know when you’ll lose that opportunity.

Happy New Year, y’all; thank you for reading this scatterbrained blog this year, and I hope 2012 brings much success to you and yours.

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24th Dec2011

My Christmas Faves

by Mr. Joseph

Since this is the Christmas season – with the big day coming up tomorrow – I felt compelled to write a blog about my favorite Christmas-themed movies and TV shows. Invariably, I’m gonna leave something out, but I’m gonna go for broke and shoot for what I remember. With that in mind…

Scrooged

I really love this underrated gem of a movie. Bill Murry stars as Francis Cross, a snooty TV executive who uses his perch to shape the network in his image, including having a commercial for “A Christmas Carol” – here dubbed “Scrooge” that would literally have the power to kill people. When he meets his traveler in the vein of his former boss, he realizes he’s about to meet his Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. When they meet, it is a roaring success of cinema. The movie has comedy, heart, and a bit of soul. The movie also stars Karen Allen, Alfre Woodard, John Forsythe, Carol Kane, and Robert Mitchum, with a score by Danny Elfman. Be on the lookout for a young Regina King as well.

 

Home Alone

I’m not afraid to admit I like this movie, the glaring deficiencies notwithstanding. Macaulay Culkin is in the lead role as Kevin McCallister, a precocious eight year old who is reluctantly getting ready to go to Paris with his family to celebrate Christmas. During an incident that got him banished to the attic, he gets left behind while the rest of the family leaves for the airport. As is to be expected, Kevin acts a fool for a while until he realizes how much he misses his family. To make matters worse, a couple of criminals have targeted his house as a prime looting spot. With the police inept (read the article I linked above), it’s up to Kevin to defend his home. The movie also stars Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara, and John Candy, with a score by John Williams.

A Charlie Brown Christmas Special

There are several classic TV shows that I watch without fail, and this is one of them. Charlie Brown is unhappy with how commercialized and secularized Christmas has become and feels a sense of sorrow. After talking to Linus and Lucy (also the name of a great jazz tune by Vince Guaraldi), he decides to become the director of a school play. The directing is a mitigated disaster, because the play’s participants are more interested in commercializing the play. To try to get in the Christmas spirit, Charlie Brown decides to go get a tree, ignoring the suggestions of the rest of the kids. The story eventually comes to a head when an unexpected force helps everyone to realize the true meaning of Christmas.

Doctor Who Series Two, Christmas Special: The Christmas Invasion

This had the privilege of being the first true episode that introduced David Tennant as the Doctor. This story involves the Sycorax invading planet Earth by taking control of 1/3rd of the population with blood control. The eponymous Doctor is unmistakably absent through most of the episode, as he is recuperating from a regeneration gone wrong. He gets better, of course, but for a while there, it looks bleak for the planet. As this is his first appearance, you get a humorous bit where he tries to figure out exactly who he is and what his personality will be. This episode also stars Billie Piper, Camille Coudri, Noel Clarke, Penelope Wilton, and Sean Gilder.

Doctor Who Series Four, Christmas Special: Voyage of the Damned

This episode took place after the Doctor left Earth after Martha Jones decided to leave the TARDIS after the events of Last of the Time Lords. His TARDIS gets rammed by what appears to be a luxury liner bearing the name of the most ill-fated ship in history: the Titanic. Upon further review, he sees that the ship is actually a spacecraft named the Titanic. Once on board, he meets a waitress named Astrid Peth, whom he tells that he is a stowaway, but she decides not to turn him in. While schmoozing around and causing his traditional form of mischief, the ship is attacked, and it’s up to the Doctor to save them all. This episode also stars Kylie Minogue, George Costigan, Russell Tovey, and Bernard Cribbins.

Doctor Who Series Four Specials, Christmas Special: The Next Doctor

After leaving his last companion behind after the events of Journey’s End, the Doctor ends up in 1851 on Christmas Eve. After figuring out when he is, he hears cries for help. He meets Rosita, and another man claiming to be the Doctor. Together they try to stop a Cybershade, but are unsuccessful. Later on, they break into a house of a recently deceased man, and discover that the Cybermen are back in force. The Doctor not only has to stop the army of Cybermen, but he also has to unravel the mystery of the new Doctor. This episode also stars David Morissey, Velile Tshabalala, Dervia Kerwin, and Neil McDermott.

So, there you have it. Like I said, these are my favorites, and most of these will be watched at some point tomorrow. If I missed your favorites, take comfort in realizing what I named the blog post; your mileage will vary. Also, I probably forgot some of my own favorites, so there.

Merry Christmas!

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