Entertainment

28th Dec2010

A Change Gon’ Come…

by Mr. Joseph

As you all may know, I’m a big fan of movies. Yeah, I know that’s like saying water is wet, but work with me; I’m going somewhere here.

I’ve done countless reviews since I started blogging, some of them were great movies (Star Trek, Black Swan – yes, I put them in the same category; it’s my blog, damn it!), some of them were okay (The Expendables, Knight and Day), and some of them were just awful (The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Prince of Persia). Through it all, I’ve always had a ranking system saluting my favorite college team, the UAB Blazers. When I gave out dragon head ratings, this is the one I used:

However, there is a change coming down the pike. No, I haven’t been sued by UAB, but that’s primarily because I haven’t put up images of the dragon head with my reviews. In fact, outside of using the images from the various movies, I haven’t really posted any images at all. Starting with my next review – which will probably be Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 if I have my way – I’ll be using the following rating scale instead:

Yes, the “More Epic Than Love Jones” scale. This is probably gonna piss some people off because they say Love Jones is the greatest black movie of all times, but it’s not. Sorry to break it to you. If I had to say there was a great black movie, I’d personally go with Malcolm X. That’s just my opinion, though. Now, I’m sure you’re asking yourselves, “Why is he switching to that?”

Well, I’ll tell you.

I’ve been asked by Kriss – the founder of The Insanity Report and host of The Insanity Check – Your Source For Social and Political Comedy to join his new site, where he discusses movie trailers and reviews movies. The name of the site is Movie Trailer Reviews.

Now, I don’t think he’ll be posting my review for the latest Harry Potter movie – that’s already up there, but every review after that will be shared between here and there. I look forward to having more readers check out my stuff as well as welcoming more people to come and see what I talk about over here.

And that…is more epic than Love Jones.

Category : Entertainment, Personal

Tags : Movie Trailer Reviews, Movies, Review, The Insanity Report

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25th Dec2010

One Disturbing Swan

by Mr. Joseph

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope you and yours are enjoying the time with family and friends. We celebrated Christmas by going to the movies. Today’s movie is the Fox Searchlight feature Black Swan. The psychological thriller is directed by Darren Arnofsky stars Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel, Barbara Hershey, and Wynona Rider. The movie centers around a production of Swan Lake, and the effect that it has on a young woman struggling to keep her sanity while fighting for the lead role. The movie has picked up all sorts of acclaim, and some of the actors are being talked about for major awards, and after watching it for myself, I can see why.

The movie centers around Nina Sayers (Natalie Portman), an incredibly talented - but high-strung – ballerina for a prestigious ballet company in New York. As they prepare to say goodbye to a “retiring” prima ballerina named Beth MacIntyre (Wynona Rider), they’re also making plans for the start of the new season by opening with a new rendition of Swan Lake. The director, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel) is reluctant to cast Nina, because he feels that she is unable to capture the raw sensuality of the Black Swan; he feels that the innocent Nina is better suited for the role of the White Swan. Only problem is that the same ballerina plays both parts. As Nina begins her preparations for the big role, she meets a ballerina named Lily (Mila Kunis), and it is apparent that she is everything Nina is not; whereas Nina is innocent and strives for control in every aspect of her life, Lily is more wild and carefree. When these two clash, it can only go in one direction.

I have always been a fan of Natalie Portman; ever since I first saw her in Léon: The Professional, I knew she was destined for greatness. She had a few hits and misses along the way (I’m looking at you, George Lucas), but she really shines in this movie. She plays her character perfectly. You literally watch Nina as she makes her descent from a mildly disturbed woman to a complete descent into madness, and – much like the White Swan from the play – that descent is hard and painful.

Mila Kunis is spectacular in her role as Lily. Her character is supposed to be free and uninhibited, and she does that to perfection. It is amazing to watch her in her scenes as she plays her character in a way that makes you wonder if she’s really trying to be a friend to Nina, or if she has her sight on the most prestigious role out there: the role of the White Swan. She displays a sensuality so strong that you wonder if she’s actually working for Vivid Video and not Fox Searchlight.

Vincent Cassel plays the part of Thomas Leroy as a bit of an enigma. He obviously cares about the production on the stage, and he does nothing to betray those feelings. However, he also has an unorthodox way of getting the best out of his performers. Some of the things he does to try to loosen Nina up is pretty close to sexual harassment, though. It’s rather uncomfortable to watch a lot of it, but it appears to be somewhat effective.

Every time I saw Barbara Hershey on screen, all I could say was “that woman is crazy!” Know what? It fit. Barbara Hershey plays Erica Sayers as a domineering control freak who has an odd way of showing love to her daughter. She is just incredibly controlling, and it’s rather disturbing to watch her lose that control. Wynona Rider has a small role, but it is a potent one. She shows where Nina could end up if she isn’t careful. Funny thing is, I didn’t even realize it was her until the end of the movie.

Darren Arnofsky is a fantastic director, and he shows his mettle here. He shows a firm pacing that is really incredible, and he really lets us get into the heads of these characters – for good or for ill. The cinematography by Matthew Libatique is beautiful; the way that the camera follows Nina as she goes through her daily routine or when she hits the stage is simply breathtaking. The score by Clint Mansell is phenomenal, and he took a lot of his cues from Tchaikovsky’s play. That’s not necessarily a good thing, though; doing that robbed him of the chance of getting an Academy Award nomination.

I really loved this movie. It was beautiful, haunting, and damning all at once. It made me feel uncomfortable, but it wasn’t so uncomfortable that I wanted to turn away. It had a high level of anxiety that I hadn’t seen in a movie since District 9, and it was painfully wonderful to watch. At the end of the movie, you realize that you’ve gone on that descent with Nina, and it’s a exquisitely painful fall at that. I give this movie five dragon heads out of five, and it deserves every accolade it gets.

After all, it is painfully……perfect.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : awards season, Barbara Hershey, Clint Mansell, Darren Arnofsky, Mila Kunis, Movies, Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, Wynona Rider

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04th Dec2010

Enter the Red Hood

by Mr. Joseph

While wasting time before going to bed last night, I decided to browse Netflix and see if they had anything on worth watching in the Instant Queue. Never mind the fact that I have tons of movies in the queue to start with. I wanted to watch something that wasn’t two hours or more, so I went looking with that in mind. I ended up finding the Warner Bros. animated film Batman: Under the Red Hood. I wanted to watch that film anyway, so I was thrilled to stumble across it. The film features the voices of Bruce Greenwood, Neil Patrick Harris, Jensen Ackles, John DiMaggio, Wade Williams, and Jason Isaacs. I’ve always been a fan of the Warner Bros. animated movies, and I was looking to really sink my teeth into this one and see how it compares to some of the others that I’ve seen.

It starts off with a bang, as we get to see Jason Todd’s version of Robin (Jensen Ackles) in action. Unfortunately, he’s in action against the Joker (John DiMaggio), who has the upper hand – and a crowbar. We come in to see the Joker brutally beating down Robin, almost beating him to death. Of course, Robin isn’t going down lightly; in fact, he drubs him with multiple one liners to show that he’s not afraid of him. Overseeing all of this is Ra’s al Ghul (Jason Isaacs) who is wondering if Batman (Bruce Greenwood) will make it in time to save his trusted companion. If you know the story, he doesn’t. In fact, he gets blowed up real good. A grieving Batman is able to retrieve his body and give him a proper funeral. Back in Gotham City, a new vigilante known as Red Hood appears and starts taking over territory from the drug lord Black Mask (Wade Williams). Batman and his former teammate Dick Grayson – the first Robin, now fighting crime as Nightwing (Neil Patrick Harris) have to find out who this mysterious Red Hood is and determine whether or not he is on the side of good.

As Batman voices go, it’s usually Kevin Conroy first, and everyone else is a distant second. However, Bruce Greenwood does a very capable job as the Dark Knight. He has the same gravelly delivery that Conroy perfected, but he also gave him a bit of a tortured soul, an expression showing how disappointed he is that he didn’t protect those that are important to him.

Jensen Ackles became a favorite of mine from his short stint on Smallville as Jason Teague. I know he’s done well for himself with Supernatural, but I don’t watch that show, so I don’t have an opinion on it. I do have an opinion on his voice acting, though; the voices he provide are spot-on. There comes a certain point in the film where you really feel his pain, and that’s the mark of a great voice actor.

Neil Patrick Harris is a funny guy. Nightwing was a funny character in the DC lore. The two fit perfectly here. NPH is at his wisecracking best as his Nightwing pays the proper respects to Batman, all the while putting his own mark on keeping Gotham City safe.

John DiMaggio is an amazing voice actor, but he had some amazingly large shoes to fill. Like Bruce Greenwood, he had to step in and do a voice that Mark Hamill made iconic. DiMaggio’s Joker is menacing and utterly psychotic, and the glee his Joker takes in causing death and destruction is actually very scary. Some of his scenes aren’t for the faint of heart.

Wade Williams’ portrayal of Black Mask is as menacing as DiMaggio’s version of the Joker. The only difference is, DiMaggio’s Joker has a creepy laugh. Black Mask doesn’t laugh. Black Mask is more prone to knock you out than anything. He plays Black Mask as an utterly evil and vile character, not afraid to lay out his own henchmen with a well-timed punch to the eye. Ra’s al Ghul isn’t given a whole lot to do, but when he does, Jason Isaacs is able to use the screen time he has effectively. His exposition scenes are eye-opening.

The film is directed by Brandon Vietti, and he has excellent pacing throughout. The action scenes don’t seem to overdone, and the scenes without action seem to fit in quite nicely. The music by Christopher Drake isn’t too overblown, and it sets the mood perfectly every time. The animation itself is incredibly crisp, and nothing feels out of place.

I got a kick out of this movie. I like my Batman to be a bit dark and a bit deadly, and this fit the bill. I’m glad I caught this on Instant Queue, and there’s even a chance that I may just go ahead and pick it up – it was that good. It wasn’t the longest movie I’ve seen, so that may detract some people. All in all, it is a good way to kill an hour or so of time. I give this four dragon heads out of five, and I recommend it for any DC fans.

You’ll get a kick out of it.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : animated, batman, Bruce Greenwood, Jason Isaacs, Jensen Ackles, John DiMaggio, joker, Neil Patrick Harris, red hood, robin, Wade Williams, warner bros.

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18th Oct2010

Boldly Going Where No Blog Entry Has Gone Before…

by Mr. Joseph

Okay, so the title of this blog is a bit misleading, seeing that I’ve written about my love of Star Trek before, and will probably do so again in the future. Anyway, I’ve always wanted to write about these films for the longest, but I never knew how to really get it started. However, I decided to give it the old college try today, so we’ll see how well it works out. Today’s blog post will be my ratings of all eleven Star Trek films from the bottom up. This should be lots of fun.

11. Star Trek Nemesis

Holy crap, this was terrible.

Nemesis is the last movie featuring the cast from The Next Generation, and it was about a Picard clone who wanted to take vengeance on Starfleet for the good of the Romulan empire…or something like that.

Truth be told, I only watched this one once, and the one time was more than enough. The story seemed so implausible and so disinteresting that I just wanted to turn it off partly through. The only saving grace was the impeccable score by Jerry Goldsmith. If this is the way they wanted to send the TNG cast off, then they really must’ve hated them. This guy was supposed to be the young Picard:

As opposed to the current Picard:

Okay…looking at that, I can sort of see it, but I’d have to be good and drunk to be completely convinced. Anyway, that one time was more than enough, and if I never see this movie again, I won’t complain in the least.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 0 dragon heads out of five

10. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

I considered making this the worst, but I decided against it; Nemesis earned that one.

This film introduces Spock’s half brother Sybok, and he’s a certifiable whack job. He said he received visions from what he believed to be “God,” and those visions told him to go and steal a ship and go to a place known to the Vulcans as Sha Ka Ree. For point of fact, this is Sybok:

The film was directed by William Shatner, and dear God was it horrible. I’ve seen some horrendously shot films in my day (Major League: Back to the Minors immediately springs to mind), but this looked BAD. Very bad. It’s almost as if he let his ego get control of himself and it went BERSERK! This was also the first film to display James Doohan’s missing finger. Out of respect for Mr. Doohan, I refuse to find a picture of that; you want it, you can look yourself.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 0 dragon heads out of five

9. Star Trek: Insurrection

This wasn’t as bad as Nemesis, but it wasn’t that good, either.

Insurrection was about a rouge member of Starfleet disobeying the Prime Directive by forcing a peaceful group of people who have a spring that holds some sort of Fountain of Youth. It’s the second of the four movies the TNG cast did, and it was okay. Not great, but not terrible. It watch it again if it were on AMC.

There are a couple of things I remember from this one. I remember the hideous looking antagonist, played by F. Murray Abraham:

And the fact that ship’s Counselor Deanna Troi said the water made her boobs perkier. For the sake of clarity, this is Deanna Troi:

Like I said, I’d watch it again on AMC. If it were given to me as part of the TNG film movie set, I’d watch it then, too. Otherwise, I wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot tractor beam.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 1 dragon head out of five

8. Star Trek: The Motion Picture

This was Star Trek’s answer to Star Wars. In my opinion, round one went to Star Wars.

This film was one of the most boring, driest films I’ve ever watched. Don’t get me wrong, I like the Enterprise; I like the way the Enterprise looks flying through space. What I didn’t like was all the gratuitous flying scenes in what appeared to be half the damn movie. Of course, what it did do was introduce a couple onboard the ship – a theme that would be revisited with the cast of The Next Generation.

The movie itself is about the original crew being reunited in a big budget film and having all of the glamour and splendor of being on the big screen. Too bad the uniforms went from the ones we remembered to the crew walking around in pastel-colored pajamas.

This is another one I’d watch again if it were given to me in the box set of the original cast films. But, seeing that I have four of the six – not to mention three of the six I really enjoy, I don’t see myself ever owning it under any capacity.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 1.5 dragon heads out of five

7. Star Trek Generations

This was the first of the films to feature the cast of The Next Generation, but they couldn’t have it to themselves.

This film killed off this guy:

I have some mixed emotions about this film. On the one hand, it was good to see the TNG cast on screen. On the other hand, they must not have thought too highly of that cast to pigeonhole Kirk into the film, only to kill him off. How Kirk and Picard would fare against each other in a great space battle was the thing of early internet fandom (hell, it still may be a thing of internet fandom). Instead, they go fight Malcom McDowell and let Kirk get killed by a damn bridge.

Best part of this movie was Data’s “Oh, shit.”

Otherwise, it’s one I’d either rent or watch in that box set. Otherwise, no thanks.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 2 stars out of five

6. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

This movie appears to be based off of the superhero comic book continuity, because it’s apparent that no one stays dead in the Star Trek universe – except for villains.

I don’t think I’m spoiling this for anyone, but at the end of Star Trek II, Spock dies. If I didn’t mention it now, the title would be considered ridiculous. Anyway, they jettison Spock’s coffin onto the Genesis planet, and he comes back to life. That’s good, but it’s also bad. It’s good because they give Leonard Nimoy his job back. It’s bad because the Genesis planet is unstable and breaking up. So, Kirk and company disobey Starfleet orders and go back to save him.

This movie had some of the most inexplicable casting I’ve ever seen. Christopher Lloyd and John Laroquette as Klingons?

Robin Curtis replacing Kristie Alley as Saavik? I couldn’t find any decent pictures of Curtis’ Saavik, but I could find good and plenty of Alley’s rendition. Go figure.

Anyway, this movie was the middle of a loose trilogy of sorts, and it’s practically unavoidable as far as the series goes. With that in mind, it’s worth the watch for that alone. Watching the Vulcan mating ritual of pon farr is worth it as well.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 3 dragon heads out of five

The next five movies are practically interchangeable, and I just rated them at face value. Truth be told, any of them could hit the top spot if it wanted to.

5. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

I consider this movie to be Law & Order: Starfleet.

This movie kicks off with Captain Hikaru Sulu (about damn time!) captaining the USS Excelsior (a ship that was rendered inoperative in the third movie). He’s patrolling space when he notices a planet in the Klingon region of space. Spock volunteers Kirk to escort the Klingon Chancellor to a peace treaty, he winds up dead, and Kirk and McCoy are arrested and submitted to a military tribunal. Meanwhile, Spock, new recruit Valeris (Kim Cattrall), and the rest of the crew tear the Enterprise apart trying to find out how it happened, and disprove that they fired the torpedoes that attacked the Klingon ship.

I call it Law & Order: Starfleet because the middle of the movie is basically a great big detective yarn. The movie is notable for a few things; the almost blatant racial overtones, Iman, and a brief cameo by Christian Slater. No, really. This movie is also remembered as the last film featuring the original cast, and they got a pretty good send off here.

I can’t leave out the fact that Shatner was incredibly hammy in this one. Only the Shat could extend a two syllable word into a 10 second sentence.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 3.5 dragon heads out of five

4. Star Trek: First Contact

Out of the four movies featuring the cast of The Next Generation, this one got it right.

This movie is about The Borg going back in time and changing history by preventing First Contact. In the Star Trek Universe, First Contact is when humanity finally caught up with the rest of the universe and was able to reach warp speed. The crew of the Enterprise follows them through time and has to put a stop to it.

This movie is only the second movie to compare someone in the Star Trek Universe to Captain Ahab from Moby Dick; problem is, this time it was Captain Picard. This movie is notable for the scene that inspired multiple gifs:

And, the one where he basically tells Alfre Woodard to shut up:

This was the second Star Trek movie I owned on Blu-ray, and it was always one of my favorites. I’ll watch this one any day of the week, regardless of where it is in the movie.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 4.5 dragon heads out of five

3. Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

This was the first Star Trek film that was actually funny on purpose.

Oh, sure; the other films had humor interspersed in them, but this one actually felt deliberately humorous. This was also the first Star Trek to discuss environmental issues. How’d it do that? By creating a freaky looking probe that was looking for humpback whales – a species that had been long dead by the 23rd century. The crew of the Enterprise are due to return to Starfleet to face charges for disobeying orders (featured in ST III), but they decide to go back in time to get a couple of whales instead.

As you can imagine, this leads to a fish-out-of-water situation, where the 23rd century clashes with the 20th century with some interesting results:

This is another one I could watch regularly, and although it doesn’t really stand the test of time, it’s still an incredible film to watch.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 4.5 stars out of five

2. Star Trek

How do you reinvigorate a slouching franchise? Hit the reset button.

I’m taking the lazy way out and recommending that you click the link at the top to read my thoughts on this one. That hasn’t changed. This movie made Star Trek relevant again.

I love this movie, and I’ll watch it whenever I can.

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 5 dragon heads out of five

1. Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!

For years, this was the quintessential Star Trek film (for some, it still is). This movie was the answer to the critic’s lamentation of the first film, and it told a story like none other. It brought back the great Ricardo Montalban from his appearance in the episode “Space Seed” and created a Trek villain that – in my opinion – hasn’t been replaced since. It had the death of a beloved character (don’t worry, he got better), and a basic story that didn’t need a lot of expounding: antagonist feels wronged, antagonist plots to hurt the protagonist, antagonist succeeds, but then the antagonist wakes up dead.

Oh, and it had Kirstie Alley, who was still sorta hot at the time.

To be honest, this movie is the one that got me into movies to begin with. Not Star Wars, not Indiana Jones, this one. This is a movie I will always cherish for as long as I shall live. It is indeed my hope that when I reach those pearly gates, and St. Peter asks me if I deserve to enter the gates therein, I look him square in the eye, and yell:

Mr. Joseph’s Rating: 5 dragon heads out of five

Live Long and Prosper.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Anton Yelchin, Chris Pine, DeForrest Kelley, Gates McFadden, George Takei, James Doohan, John Cho, Jonathan Frakes, Karl Urban, Leonard Nimoy, Marina Sirtis, Michael Dorn, Nichelle Nichols, Patrick Stewart, Simon Pegg, Star Trek, Walter Koenig, William Shatner, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana

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15th Oct2010

Not Quite RED-y

by Mr. Joseph

I haven’t written one of these in a while, so I figured I was due. I made today an impromptu movie day, and I needed to see something that was fairly entertaining and a bit eclectic. Today’s movie choice was the Summit Entertainment release RED. The film stars Bruce Willis, Mary-Louise Parker, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Brian Cox, and Karl Urban. The movie is based on a limited edition graphic novel by DC Comics, and it’s directed by Robert Schwentke with a score by Christophe Beck. The previews for this movie really intrigued me; seeing these old people kick all sorts of ass in that trailer caused me to raise my eyebrow and wonder how good this movie would actually be. How did it turn out? Well…let’s find out.
The movie starts with retired CIA agent Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) going through the motions of retired life: eating, taking a fistful of pills, and tearing up pension checks so he can flirt with lonely Sarah Ross (Mary-Louise Parker) about growing avocados and reading cheesy romance novels. All isn’t exactly well with Frank, though; in the middle of the night, an assault team tries to do some very bad things to him, but he manages to escape by using his his wits. He eventually hooks up with his old team: Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman), Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) and Victoria (Helen Mirren)…not to mention an old Russian contact Ivan Simanov (Brian Cox). Their mission is to find out who set them up and to evade the CIA, led by CIA Agent William Cooper (Karl Urban). Their search takes them all over the country, including stops in Chesapeake, Pensacola, New Orleans, and Mobile (more on that later).

Bruce Willis is at his ass-kicking best as agent Frank Moses. He seems to channel a retiring John McClane, and he plays him as such. His Moses has a hint of calmness hidden deep inside gruff exterior. He still knows his way around an action scene, and the scene where he gets out of the police car while it’s still spinning is a sight to behold.

Mary-Louise Parker portrays a brand of ditziness and cuteness as Sarah Ross. It’s not too hard to see how she would be attracted to someone like Moses; she craves adventure, and he’s seen it in spades. She even shows some toughness when something happens to her and she needs to show her mettle.

As far as the rest of the cast, Morgan Freeman brings his grandfatherly charm to Joe Matheson as a slick hitman. John Malkovich is hilarious as the paranoid (due to daily doses of LSD) Marvin Boggs. Helen Mirren is regal as Victoria, and she shows how she was considered “one of the best wetwork agents in the field.” Brian Cox does a rather convincing Russian accent as Ivan Simanov, and it’s hinted that he has a history with a couple of members of the team. Karl Urban is very convincing as agent Cooper, and really gets to show off his action chops.

The film wasn’t so much directed by Robert Schwentke, as it was that he just put the players in position and got the hell out of the way. The action scenes are outrageous and over the top, but it’s based off of a comic book, so it fits. The score by Christophe Beck is forgettable, as his music is drowned out by the action on screen.

My major gripe with this film is how they portrayed Mobile, Alabama. I’m not 100% sure where they filmed those scenes, but they weren’t filmed with any knowledge of the city itself. Mobile has no mountainous vistas, and there are no hills of note. Both of those prominently displayed in those scenes. It shouldn’t have been that hard to find some geographical information about Mobile…I’m sure it’s on Wikipedia. Putting that aside, it was a fairly decent film, and a nice way to kill a couple of hours. I’ll give it two and a half dragon heads out of five, and I can recommend it for a decent matinee.

After all, it’s fun watching stuff get blown up in ways that are almost unimaginable.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Brian Cox, Bruce Willis, Helen Mirren, John Malcovich, Karl Urban, Mary-Louise Parker, Morgan Freeman, Movies

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15th Sep2010

Do You Think I’m Sexy?

by Mr. Joseph

Not me, because the answer to that is an overwhelming “no.” I mean, I’m not a troll, but I’m not gonna win any modeling contracts anytime soon. Anyway, this isn’t about me. This is about something entirely different. This is about this woman:

And this team:

In case you’ve been living under a rock or something, the woman pictured above is the primary cause of the team listed below being investigated by the NFL for improper conduct.

The woman in question is Ines Sainz, and she is an entertainment reporter for TV Azteca in Mexico. She is also a former Miss Mexico and Miss Universe contestant.

For more on her, Google Images is your friend. You’re welcome.

Anyway, Miss Sainz was in New York to interview Mark Sanchez, and she was subjected to multiple catcalls from Jets players in the locker room. Now, let me just go on the record as saying that the Jets players should know how to act when they see a beautiful woman, and let’s make no bones about it; she is indeed a beautiful woman. However, no one – man or woman – should be subjected to what could be considered harassing behavior at work.

Now, Miss Sainz isn’t completely devoid of innocence in this, either. The picture above is the tamest one I could find. She did an interview with Fox News, and she was wearing a shirt with buttons that served absolutely no purpose whatsoever. In fact, said buttons were holding on for dear life. I listen to the Dan Patrick Show on a daily basis, and he had a female caller named Belinda and call in and explain how she felt:

“If you’re going to be a professional, you should dress like a professional…if you’re gonna walk in there with your business hanging out and your stuff tight up against your jeans, guys are gonna say something.”

Remember; this is a woman saying this; these aren’t Mr. Joseph’s words. Personally, I believe you can wear whatever the hell you want; if you want to go do an in-depth interview with a politician wearing a string bikini and flip-flops, be my guest. However, don’t be surprised if people frown upon that or react in a way that wouldn’t be deemed professional.

After all, there is something to be said about professional dress in a professional environment.

UPDATE: This isn’t the first time I’ve discussed my feelings about an error in judgment when it comes to reporters and sports; I talked about the Hannah Storm/Tony Kornheiser debacle a few months ago. You can find that here.

Category : Current Events, Entertainment, Sports

Tags : Ines Sainz, interview, Mark Sanchez, New York Jets

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27th Aug2010

Insert Coin

by Mr. Joseph

Today was an impromptu movie day. I had a little bit of time, and I was able to squeeze a trip to the multiplex in. The movie I went to check out was Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. The movie is directed by Edgar Wright and it stars Michael Cera, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Ellen Wong, Kieran Culkin, Chris Evans, Anna Kendrick, Alison Pill, Brandon Routh, and Jason Schwartzman. The film is rated PG-13, and it’s mostly for language and pseudo-cartoon violence. I didn’t really know what to expect when I walked in; I mean, I enjoyed the trailers immensely, and it seemed like it would be an entertaining experience.

Needless to say, I got my money’s worth.

I normally wouldn’t start a review off like this, but it’s so cool, I can’t help but mention it: the movie starts off with an 8-bit version of the Universal logo with the Universal theme in MIDI format. The video game theme continues with the theme from The Legend of Zelda serving as a backdrop to the beginning of the movie. We are almost immediately introduced to Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) and the members of his band Sex Bob-omb; Kim Pine (Alison Pill) the drummer and an ex-girlfriend of Scott, Stephen Stills (Mark Webber) the lead singer and guitarist, and Young Neil (Johnny Simmons) a “fan” and follower of the group. We are also introduced to Scott’s “cool gay” roommate Wallace Wells (Kieran Culkin), who is responsible for all of the furnishings in their sparse apartment. Scott is dating a seventeen year old girl named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong), and is a perpetual slacker. He eventually meets a girl named Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and falls head over heels for her, going as far as to invite her to a battle of the bands his band is performing at. The concert is interrupted by Matthew Patel (Satya Bhabha), and he is revealed to be the first of Ramona’s evil exes. The movie pretty much explains itself from there.

I just want to go on record as saying I’m not a Michael Cera fan. He just seems so nasally and whiny that – to paraphrase a line from the film – if his life had a face, I’d punch it. That being said, I really enjoyed his nasally and whiny attitude in the film. There were parts that showed him as a ladies man, but I couldn’t buy it. However, he was convincing enough.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead was very good as the American import Ramona Flowers. She had a wonderfully deadpan delivery and she managed to make the multiple hair colors (I counted three) look natural…or, natural enough. Her chemistry with Michael Cera was also pretty good in and of itself, although I felt that one of her scenes was a bit harsh. That being said, it needed to be harsh, so I guess it wasn’t too bad after all.

Kieran Culkin stole the show as Wallace Wells. He was wonderfully potent as the inner voice of reason, the starter of gossip, and the wonderful yin to Scott’s yang. He also wreaked havoc on the love life of Scott’s sister Stacey. Speaking of which, Anna Kendrick played the little big sister like a sort of mother figure, and she did good with the limited screen time she had.

The band Sex Bob-omb were interesting enough. Alison Pill was perfectly snarky, Mark Webber was nervously humorous, and Johnny Simmons was funny enough as the hanger on who got promoted. I was definitely impressed with Ellen Wong. She went from cute and innocent to obsessed to hot badass at the flick of a wrist. It was no problem for her to go from pining over Scott to threatening to kick some major ass.

As far as the League of Evil Exes goes, I’ll just say numbers one (Matthew Patel), five, and six (Kyle and Ken Katayanagi) were completely forgettable. Chris Evans was almost invisible as Lucas Lee, and that’s a good thing. I almost didn’t recognize the future Captain America. Todd Ingram was hilariously played by Brandon Routh, and he played him as a bit of a scatterbrained vegan superhero. Ingram also has a part that makes you really hate him and root for his demise. Mae Whitman plays Roxy Richter, and she is hilariously wicked. She has two pretty good scenes, one with Ramona and one with Ramona and Scott. Jason Schwartzman is Gideon Graves, and he’s the main baddy in the League, and he is awesome. His scenes put me in the mindset of an evil mogul.

Edgar Wright’s directing was seamless. His edits were hectic, and it forced you to pay attention; failure to do so would mean you’d be left out of at least two scenes. His scene cutting was a beauty to behold. The effects were wonderful, and there were quite a few onomatopoeias scattered throughout for more humor (*thonk* *thonk* *thonk*). The score was done by Nigel Godrich, and it was pretty trippy, to say the least. It had the whole Nintendo sound to it, and it was very frenetic and fun to listen to.

In case you didn’t realize it by this point, I really enjoyed this movie. It didn’t feel forced or sketchy at all, and it was like a love sonnet to the video game era. If you grew up playing video games, this movie is for you. If you grew up reading comic books of any variety, this movie is for you. If you grew up with both, then you’ll be in heaven. I give this four out of five dragon heads, and I recommend catching it while it’s still in theaters.

You won’t be disappointed.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Alison Pill, Anna Kendrick, Brandon Routh, Chris Evans, comic book adaptation, Ellen Wong, Jason Schwartzman, Kieran Culkin, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Michael Cera, Movies, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Summer Blockbuster, video games

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14th Aug2010

It’s Expendable

by Mr. Joseph

It’s been a long time since I last did a movie review, so I feel that I’m due. Today’s movie du jour is the Lionsgate film The Expendables. This movie stars Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Coture, Steve Austin, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. The movie is directed by Stallone, and it is basically a love story from Sly to all of his fellow 80s action movie stars. The movie is rated R, and I’d go as far as to consider it a “hard” R…just as a movie of its ilk should be. I went into this movie with absolutely no expectations, and that basically sums up the expectation level of anyone who’d go to see this movie. If you’re expecting a long drawn exposition, you’re in the wrong theater.

The story – such as it were – is about a group of mercenaries that call themselves “The Expendables”. They take jobs no one else would want, especially if the risk for returning are slim to none. We first see this merry group of mercs (Stallone, Li, Crews, Lundgren, Statham) as they infiltrate a pirate ship and rescue some hostages. I would say that the standoff is handled amicably, but then I’d be lying. People get shot, stabbed, kicked, punched, and blowed up real good. Later, Barney Ross (Stallone) is met by a shadowy character named Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) and a rival leader named Trench (Schwarzenegger), and they are offered a job: stop a dictator and save a small island town. One refuses, the other accepts, and off we go.

This cast is too large to expound on, and they’re basically caricatures of themselves at this point, so I don’t think a character essay is necessary. Stallone leads, Statham is #2, Coture is a bit more stable, Crews is nuts, Lundgren is jacked in the head, and Li is…well…Li.

The movie is directed by Stallone and written – such as it were – by Stallone and David Callaham. There is sort of a minor side story between Statham and a character played by Charisma Carpenter, but it’s really filler. There’s also a hint of a story with Stallone and a female lead played by Gisele Itié, but it’s more fluff. The bombastic score by Brian Tyler is almost instantly forgettable.

Like I said in the first paragraph, you don’t go to a movie like this to see Shakespeare; you see a movie like this because you want to see stuff get blown up. I think it’s safe to say that this movie has that in spades. Buildings, cars, and people get obliterated. Jet Li has his happy feet. There is a fight for the ages in this film, and I refuse to say who it’s between. This film is a cacophony of death, destruction, and mayhem, and any child of the 80s who grew up watching Commando, Rambo, and Die Hard will love it. I’ll give it three out of five dragon heads and say catch a matinee.

Enjoy the big guns and the big booms from the masters of the game.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Movies, Randy Coture, Steve Austin, Summer Blockbuster, Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews

3 Comm

17th Jul2010

Dream a Little Dream

by Mr. Joseph

Another weekend, another movie day. Today’s movie is the much-anticipated Warner Bros. release Inception. This movie is directed by Christopher Nolan (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight), and is headlined by Leonardo DiCaprio. The rest of the cast is an ensemble cast, including Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ellen Page, Ken Watanabe, Tom Hardy, Dileep Rao, Tom Berenger, Cillian Murphy, Michael Caine, and Marion Cotillard. The film runs about 148 minutes, and is scored by Hans Zimmer.

Before going into the review, I must admit that this year hasn’t been really good for movies. There have been a few good ones, but most of them have been dreck. Take this week, for example. After the disaster that was The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, I really needed to enjoy a good movie for a change. I think I found the right movie.

The movie starts with Dom Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) waking up on a beach, his only possessions being a gun and a small totem. He’s found by armed guards and escorted to see an old man. The movie then cuts back to a crime within a dream, with Cobb, his point man, Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and an architect named Nash (Lukas Hass) meeting a man named Saito (Ken Watanabe) who knows more than he appears to. The three are discovered and the dream world rules are explained: if one is injured, then they feel the pain. If they’re killed, then they wake up. It is revealed that Saito is auditioning Cobb’s team for a heist that he wants them to commit for him: they are to commit inception – that is, they are to implant an idea into a victim and have him to believe it to be his own. Thus, the chase is on to subdue the victim, implant the idea, and get everyone out alive. Of course, this is easier said than done, but that makes it worth the while.

Because this is such a large cast, I’m not going to talk about all of them. Instead, I’ll focus on the ones I deem to be pretty important.

Leonardo DiCaprio plays Cobb with a bit of hurt and conflicted conviction. It’s revealed that he’s done things that are illegal, and some other things that are completely unethical and immoral. He cares for his team, but he knows more than anything he wants to get back to his family.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Arthur, and it’s revealed that he and Cobb go back a long way. Gordon-Levitt portrays Arthur as the soul of the operation. He’s also pretty efficient at hand-to-hand and small arms combat. His primary fight scene is a dizzying display of action, and it looks great…albeit a bit painful.

Ellen Page was cast as Ariadne, and she is revealed to be the new Architect. Page plays Ariadne as an innocent prodigy, someone who’s fresh out of college and looking to find her place in the world. Her amazement at creating the dream world is a joy to watch, but her concern for Cobb is even better. If Arthur is the soul of the film, then Ariadne is the heart.

Tom Hardy is Eames, and he is the Forger. Eames’ sole function in life is to be the impersonator of the group. Hardy plays Eames rather light and comical, but has a bit of an edge to him. He’s the one responsible for the line “You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling” in the trailer – before pulling out a grenade launcher and opening fire.

Ken Watanabe is brought on to play Saito, and he is eventually known as the Tourist – a tag-along in the dream world. Watanabe plays Saito to be a bit sinister, but not too much to break into parody. He would be considered the money of the group.

Cillian Murphy returns to the screen as Robert Fisher, Jr. – also known as the Mark. He is the main purpose for the mission. He is shown to have father issues, and Murphy gives him the angst a role like this needs.

The film is directed by Christopher Nolan, and I am convinced that he can do no wrong. This is the man who resuscitated Batman after the abomination that Joel Schumacher left it in. The film flowed very well with him at the helm, although he resisted the urge to descend into the madness the last 30 minutes of the film could have used. That being said, he tied up to four different sequences into one explosive sequence. The driving score was composed by the venerable Hans Zimmer, and it fits its points where needed; nothing was really drowned out by it, but it fit like a glove.

I really enjoyed this movie; in fact, I’d go as far as to say that I haven’t looked forward to a movie this much since Star Trek. I couldn’t find a whole lot of faults in it, and it really sucked me in from beginning to end. It was mentioned by someone at one point that I tend to like everything, which is pretty much true. I go to the movies to get immersed in what I’m seeing on the screen, and Inception did just that. I couldn’t have asked for anything more in a film than I got with this, and the ending actually made you think. This gets five dragon heads out of five, and it definitely lived up to the hype.

And, we know how rare that is in this day and age.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Christopher Nolan, Cillian Murphy, Ellen Page, Inception, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Michael Caine, Movies, Summer Blockbuster

2 Comm

15th Jul2010

Magically Distressing

by Mr. Joseph

So, yesterday was my 33rd birthday, and to celebrate, I treated myself to a movie. Yesterday’s movie was Disney’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. The movie stars Nicholas Cage as the sorcerer, Jay Baruchel as his modern-day apprentice, and Alfred Molina as the resident bad guy. This movie reunites Cage with mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer and and director Jon Turteltaub; the trio worked together on the National Treasure series of films. The movie was scored by Trevor Rabin – another National Treasure alum. Walking in, I really wanted this movie to be good. I had low expectations, but there was still a part of me that wanted to watch a decent flick on my birthday. Were those expectations realized? Or, did I set myself up for failure? Read on…

The movie starts in the 8th century, where we meet the great magician Merlin (James A. Stephens) and two of his apprentices; Veronica (Monica Bellucci) and Balthazar Blake (Nicholas Cage). They are in search for the evil magician Morgan le Fay (Alice Krige), only to find her and her new assistant – fellow sorcerer and former friend Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina). A struggle ensues, Merlin dies, Morgan is trapped in Veronica (who is in turn trapped into something called the Grim Lock), and Balthazar is tasked to find a magician called the Prime Merlinian. Only then, would they be able to kill Morgan for good. Fast forward to the year 2000, where a young kid named Dave Stutler (Jake Cherry) inadvertently meets up with Balthazar and is discovered to be the Prime Merlinian. Things don’t go too well for the ten year old as Horvath is reanimated, and is in search for the Grim Lock. We jump ahead ten years to meet Dave again (now played by Jay Baruchel), who is a Physics genius but socially inept. He reunites with a girl he had a crush on named Becky (Teresa Palmer), but also reunites with Balthazar. The story takes off from there with a quest to teach Dave magic, find the Grim Lock, and save the world. Or something like that…

Nicholas Cage plays the sorcerer Balthazar much like he plays everything else – with a hysterical quirkiness that leaves audiences unsure whether or not to applaud or scratch their heads in amazement. His Balthazar is extremely eccentric and maybe just a little bit insane, but he does it better than anyone else could. He plays him like a straight man with a bit of a twitch to his personality – which, after watching the movie, makes sense.

Jay Baruchel (most recently seen in She’s Out of My League) plays Dave Stutler, the titular role of the apprentice. His job is to look confused and try not to trip over his own feet, which he does well. He has a tendency to look nervous all the time and come this a stone’s throw away from stuttering, but his innocence works. He also has a thing for Tesla Coils, which is explained to great effect in the movie.

I am an Alfred Molina fan; I really am. He plays decent good guys, but he really sinks his teeth into the bad guy roles. He did just that in the role of Horvath. He chewed through his scenes like Homer Simpson through a doughnut, and seemed to have fun doing it. The role wasn’t entirely meaty, but it didn’t really need to be. He just had to play the evil foil, and he did that splendidly.

As I mentioned above, the movie was directed by Jon Turteltaub, and it felt like it was missing something…something a little grittier…ah, yes; the extra characters after the rating. The National Treasure movies were rated PG-13, and this one was rated PG. You could see the difference three characters can make. The score was done by Trevor Rabin, and it felt like it fit. It didn’t sound rushed or distressed, but it plugged right in and carried you along for the ride.

I really wanted to like this movie; I really did. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. It seemed like there was so much more that could have been done, but a lot of scenes ended up on the cutting room floor due to the rating. Not to say that the movie didn’t have its own good points; after all, there was a throwback to Fantasia that will make you smile. That’s about it, though; the rest of the movie just seemed…unfortunate. So, with that in mind, I have to give this two dragon heads out of five, and recommend it only for the dollar theaters. Anything more is a rip off.

Category : Entertainment

Tags : Alfred Molina, Disney, film, Jay Baruchel, Movies, Nicholas Cage, Summer Blockbuster, The Sorcerer's Apprentice

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